he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
