What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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