I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
