Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
