Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
