all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
