Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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