nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
