Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
