you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
