The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
