I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
