Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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