I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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