I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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