Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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