That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
