Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
