And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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