i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
