last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
