she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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