All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
