Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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