Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
