The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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