She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
