some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
