i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
