i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
