I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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