Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
