She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
