Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
