hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
