so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
