I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
sex in a hospital.. check
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
