Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
