I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
