This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
