babies were throwing up all over the place
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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