he has the hands of the vagina gods.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
