Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
