Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
