already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
