Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
