Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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