Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
