i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
