You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
