Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I want to fling myself into the sun
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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