we have officially lost it.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we're making bets on your personal life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
