take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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